Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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