Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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