Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
