Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
