I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
