My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
