We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
