Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
