Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
