there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
