I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
