peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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