I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
