Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
