So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
