She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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