if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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