alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
