New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
