dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
