You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
