My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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