When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
