He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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