my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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