I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
