conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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