I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
