I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
