Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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