I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
