margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
