That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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