Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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