I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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