I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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