he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
