I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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