he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
