Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
