pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
