There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
