Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
