so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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