She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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