I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
