i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
