Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
