Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
