Got a toothbrush?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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