I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
