Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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