this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i out mim tonsoeep
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