thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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