Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
