We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
