I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
